With parenthood I spent the first two months of lils life feeling guilty, feeling guilty I couldn’t breast feed who need a horrific birth and PCOS causes milk issues, guilty I didn’t use cloth nappies, guilty I didn’t baby wear (turns out my back is messed up from the labour so good job I didn’t), guilty about having depression, guilty about having anxiety attacks. The list goes on and on.
What is it about parenthood especially motherhood that makes you feel guilty for not doing it the way you thought you would? I guess comparing yourself to other mums doesn’t help, I see mums doing it the way I thought I would and I get a guilt feeling arising but now I’ve learnt to accept all babies are different.
My midwife gave me the best advice “what does it matter what you are feeding her as long as she’s being fed”
I’m happy with my choices now, I’m glad I formula fed, didn’t change my relationship with my daughter, I’m glad I co-slept with her for the first 6 weeks didn’t change her sleeping now. I guess I am ruled by my 5 month old, she’s a happy little girl who is growing so quickly I just need to accept in future my choices will be different to others but it doesn’t make them incorrect.
Are your choices after having a baby different from before you had the baby?
Okay my rambling done back to napping — favourite past time!
Mommy Guilt is very, very common. We hold ourselves up to unrealistic expectations and expect SO much out of our ourselves that when things don’t go exactly as we planned, we beat ourselves up.
I had MG with Alyssa. From birth she was not cuddly, was difficult to breastfeed because she wanted instant gratification, and just… was not what I pictured an infant as being. Don’t get me wrong, she had a good disposition, didn’t cry a lot, and slept well… but the best way I can summarize it is that she came out of the womb wanting to be as independent and self-sufficient as possible. Obviously that causes frustration and conflict when you’re only X amount of days/weeks/months old.
By the time she was about two I was able to let it go: she was healthy, she was eating, she was content, and that’s what matters. Plus I had Ryan, and he was the exact opposite of Alyssa as a baby: also good-natured, but SUPER cuddly, LOVED breastfeeding, etc. I was able to get with him what I didn’t get with Alyssa… if that makes sense.
Anyway, Lilith is happy and healthy, and it sounds like you’re doing much better too. That’s all that counts. And, she is absolutely beautiful and so cute!
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Thanks jenn — I think that is it we do hold ourselves up to unrealistic expectations and comparing ourselves to others, glad it’s not just me xxx
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i never really felt guilt but i did have a lot of mommy frustration… after spending the 9 months waiting on vincent to arrive with lots of research, i was super frustrated that he did not read the memo on how babies are supposed to be lol. i never expected to bed share, but i’m sitting here with him snoring next to me in bed right now. i never realized just how demanding a baby was… i felt completely unprepared.
in the end what matters is a healthy baby, and a healthy mommy. and oh my gosh lilith is adorable
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Haha yeah babies are so much more demanding than I thought too
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